Putting a stop to Intimate Partner Violence begins from within, when we become aware of how we are treated, the respect we deserve, our value, our boundaries, and the fact that we cannot change our partner. Sometimes, we think it’s our duty to “save” the other person or transform their abusive behavior, like we're running a relationship rehab center. If he is more of a project than a partner, maybe we should leave it to Pinterest. And I'm not saying your partner is abusive; I'm just encouraging you to reflect on how you truly feel in the relationship.
Recognizing violence and taking action is an act of self-love. Despite apologies, social pressures to stay in a relationship, fears of loneliness, fear of judgement, or concerns about dividing assets, violence should never be part of what we call love. Love should not mean giving up on ourselves, quieting our ideas, or setting aside our dreams and goals just to keep someone by our side. Love should never make us feel fear, insecurity, or discomfort. We don’t have to stay in a relationship that silences us or limits who we are. We have the right to be ourselves, to express ourselves freely, to not silence our thoughts or emotions out of fear of our partner’s reaction. Try to listen to that inner voice that tells you something isn’t right, prioritize your own well-being, and walk away, protect yourself and affirm your worth. Try to see beyond traditional narratives of love, and reclaim the right to safety, respect, and autonomy. Real love doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t diminish, and it doesn’t instill fear.
If you think you are experiencing Intimate Partner Violence, opening up about your situation with trusted people can help you see things more clearly and make informed decisions. Give yourself permission to acknowledge or accept what you’ve been through without trying to justify it, judge yourself, or diminish its validity. Talking to someone you trust, seeking support from those close to you, discussing your plan with them, or turning to support organizations can provide you with the help you need to leave.
There are legal clinics that can guide you through the steps to protect yourself if you’re planning to leave an abusive relationship, as well as organizations that specialize in helping you create a safety plan. Learn about local emergency services, such as transition houses, and how to access help.
If you believe you are experiencing serious Intimate Partner Violence, it’s important to document the abuse. Take pictures, save screenshots, doctor visits, police reports, keep a detailed diary, and take notes of every interaction. This documentation can serve as evidence if you need to seek legal protection in court.
If you think you need to go to court, I encourage you to be strong and raise your voice, because you deserve a healthy relationship filled with peace, respect, happiness, and fulfillment. You deserve something better. Trust the journey forward and know that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
Follow these resources:
How to plan for your safety if you are in an abusive relationship - Canada.ca https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/plan-your-safety.html
Find family violence resources and services in your area - Canada.ca https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html
Where to find help if you are a victim of domestic violence | CBC News : https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/where-to-find-help-if-you-are-a-victim-of-domestic-violence-1.5486233
Fact sheet: Intimate partner violence - Canada.ca : https://www.canada.ca/en/women-gender-equality/gender-based-violence/intimate-partner-violence.html
Family and Intimate Partner Violence | Canadian Association of Social Workers : https://www.casw-acts.ca/en/resources/family-and-intimate-partner-violence
YMCA BC Women's Emergency Shelter: Women's Safety - Kamloops YMCA-YWCA
Harbour House Woman's Shelter, The Mustard Seed: Harbour House Woman's Shelter | Mustard Seed
Kelowna Women’s Shelter: Compassionate Support & Guidance for Women | Kelowna Women’s Shelter | BC
VictimLinkBC, Create a safety plan. Confidential, multilingual support to people experiencing abuse. Call 1-800-563-0808 (24 hours)
Okanagan Thompson Legal Clinic: Okanagan Thompson Legal Clinic with offices in Kamloops & Kelowna, serving the Thompson / Okanagan surrounding area
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